I’m so ugly, so what?

Once upon a time there were some men, definitely men, no woman would be this cruel that thought “let’s see how dumb women are. Let’s see what we can make them wear.”

Then they concocted the UGGLIEST shoe in the world. A piece of sheep sewn on a chunky sole. Heartless as they were, they didn’t have the guts to call it “daisy” or “pretty” or “sweetie”. It wouldn’t have hold water. No way. So the had the decency to call them uggs. As they were UGLY beyond imagination.

Next step: how to convince women to wear such hideous accessories by their own free will.

Let’s pay some cool Brits to wear them and we’re on.

Enter: Sienna Miller and Kate Moss – the epitome of Brit laid back cool.

In a few months, the fever spreads, everybody wants to look like those two. Like they don’t care what you think of them, they don’t want any man to consider them sex toys. Well, honey, I bet you’re safe! They are the best contraceptive ever invented!

The Ozzies can’t believe they pulled this one!

An entire globe of females put on the sheep hides! They wear it during summer too, for Christ sake!

And a season passes, and another one, and another one…

Several years later, I was in London, browsing through Westfield – only the largest shopping mall in London. I swear to God, there was a SINGLE store with a queue outside – the Ugg one!

Women, what’s WRONG with you?!

Last winter, Earth forgot it’s supposed to go through its own menopause – global warming. It was a COLD, tough, long winter. High snow, blizzards, frost, record low temperatures.

I survived quite well in a pair of over the knee D&Gs and short Miss Sixty military dark grey boots.

This winter, the Miss Sixtys called it quits. I adored them because they were lined with wool and pull ons. Very easy to put on, cosy, warm and everything else.

The D&Gs look withered too.

In January, I tried on a pair of funny lilac veeery soft leather Italian boots lined with fur. They were so friendly, funny, fuzzy, feminine… and furiously expensive even on sale at 50%. Even the most friendly and fun boots in the world can’t make me pay 500 euros! Really. I’m no movie star after all.

So after give or take a decade of scorning and bickering, I caved.

Yes, I have a pair of uggs. With the instruction manual, warranty, congratulation card and everything that comes with them to mess with your ego.

This week it was cold. But… you see… the MOTHER of cold. No less, I marched in the snow with no care in the world, as the ugly creatures repel cold completely! My feet feel happy. And when my feet feel happy, I’M HAPPY.

I still consider them repulsively ugly, but they grow on me. Right, like fungus.

But, it seems those malevolent Ozzies are on to something.

As EasyPeasy puts it: “they had two things in mind: your right ovary and your left ovary.”

Amen.

Advertisements

About bitchwithcats

lived wild, lived wise, lived.

One response to “I’m so ugly, so what?”

  1. Flavia says :

    So I don’t own a pair of Uggs and I’ve never wanted to, since I considered them the ugliest thing since Crocs (DON’T GET ME FUCKING STARTED ON FUCKING CROCS, YUK). But I did try them on. I was like, ok alright let’s see what the deal is. And the deal is, when you shove your foot in an Ugg boot it’s like SHOVING YOUR FOOT IN HEAVEN. It’s warm and soft and fuzzy and and and it’s like those mornings when you’re sleepy and comfy and warm and you find out that it’s actually Saturday and you don’t have to go anywhere.

    But they’re ugly.

    And they’re not just ugly. They’re grossly undercrafted. It’s like a retarded child was told to make some cardboard shoes for his mum for mother’s day and he came up with this design, and then the Australians implemented it using top notch material. So last year I managed to not buy a pair (I get by with the help of Salomons). No promises about next year tho.

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: